Dillemas

Whew, this should be a long one.

Actually, it will probably be short because I'm lazy and will post about two things and then get bored and stop.

First off we'll track back to about a monthish ago: rugby finals. Two teams, SMU and Tars. Two squads that have worked their asses off, fought, bled, and carried eachother through a tough season. Both teams make it through the semi-finals and advance (for SMU it's the first time EVER) to the finals. Saturday is Tars vs. Valley, Sunday it's SMU vs Acadia. The short of the story is that both games were lost and by excrutiatingly small margins. It was such an emotional weekend. When the whistle blew after the Tars game my world actually did spin. I felt my knees meet the grass of the pitch and my head soon followed. We lost. I couldn't believe it. That night was a bitter one but I still had hope for the next day. SMU could still win, 1/2 aint bad.
So there we were up in Acadia. The boys played like champions. So much heart, skill and dedication, I can't tell you how proud I was that day. At half time the score was 20-8 for them. We were down and feeling lost but after some motivational talks we came back to punish them in the second half. With 2 minutes left it was 20-24 for them. One try and we'd win the game. I'm telling you I could taste it, we had them on their heels and were out playing them all over the field. Then one missed tackle lead to a break for them. We caught him and put him down but got a penalty in the process. They kicked for points and nailed it. The game ended at 20-27. Heartbroken. Once again the ground came up to meet my knees. I couldn't believe it. My coach and about 3 or 4 of the players came and with a comforting hand on my shoulder, helped me up. It was over, the season was done and it felt like all the hard work and time spent was for naught. It was in the shower on monday morning that I finally broke down and let it out. It felt rediculous to be standing in my shower, one hand on the wall with water pouring down me and crying over a fucking sport. There was some odd comfort in having water pouring down my face though ... like somehow that could mask tears, silly, I know.

So that was it. No more rugby and now I have huge amounts of spare time. I've played a shit load more WoW, actually done some productive things with work and focused on my studies at school a bit more. Mostly I've been partying and been being an idiot. Good times.

Alright I keep getting distracted so I'll jump to the latest and greatest. Girls!

I'm pretty sure I'm in love. Just kidding, but I have found some exciting new 'love' interests. We'll start off with the one I started off with. Her name is Dani, she's dutch, plays rugby and is beautiful. Long blonde hair, beautiful smile, wonderful body. Yum. So, being Darryl I immediately want to sleep with her because I'm a stereotypical horny man. So the first night we're really out together I end up walking her home. She's way drunker then I am and although I am a horny guy I still have some sense of responsibility. I walked her to her door and turned to go home. Then she goes "Darryl!" ... "I really like you" all shy like. I told her I liked her too and took off. I felt good about it all. So I saw her out a couple times after that but nothing ever worked (aka: she was busy with her girlfriends or I had other priorities). Then Thursday night I get a call from some of the boys asking me to come out. They tell me she's out with them and I should come hang out. So I haul Feeney with me and we go down. We had been playing x-box and drinking so we were good and buzzed. Well Dani was there and looking awesome. We ended up at the Alehouse (where we always do) and got a sweet table by the door. I shot her some looks and gave her a semi-hug/back rub thing and eventually she was at my table with us. The night progessed and soon it was time to go. I got up and put on my jacket to leave and she followed suit, I didn't ask or say anything so this was a great sign. We caught a cab 1/2 way there and during the cab ride she asks if I want to come up for a beer. Sweet, I'm thinking, I'm in! Now, before I go on I had been informed by my sources that she was pretty in to me but hung up on the fact that she thinks I'm just looking to get in her pants and thats it. Now I can't really fault her for that because lately I've been feeling totally detached from any kind of feeling for some reason. Which leads me to use women for sex and then leave it at that. So anyway, I had a plan to not do anything with this girl. Not only to prove to her that I wasn't this big womanizer, but I think i wanted to know that for myself as well. I'd like to think that there's more to me.
So anyway, we head up to her appartment and I have to piss like there's no tomorrow. So I go upstairs to the washroom and when I come out I hear her talking to some guy. So I sneak back to the stairs and hear her explaining to some guy that 'it's not like that, he's just coming in for a beer and then going home'. Immediately I think "great, ex-boyfriend? I'm out of here...". So I go down and she invites this guy in for a beer as well. Turns out he's not a bad guy, her neighbour, although a cock-block like that is HUGELY against the code of men. I really don't know what he was thinking. Almost a bannable offence. So anyway, we all chilled and drank some beer and eventually he left. I went and pissed again and when I came down she was passing out so I said goodnight and bailed.

So that leads me to last night. This is it now, I thought, I've put in two solid nights of fun times with no kind of 'move' made on my part. She has to know I'm not just trying to get in her pants by now. Well, I was right. We arrived at the Alehouse again and she was there and looking phenomenal. She gave me a big hug and our hands lingered in eachothers for a little bit and then I went to get a drink. By some miracle the boys secured a table by the door again so we went up there. It wasn't too long before Dani joined me at the table followed by some of the other girls on her team and their coach (who is a very good buddy of mine and would love for me to hookup with/date one of his players). Enter the second big player, Laura. Now Feeney, my very close friend, always mentioned this girl who played for our club named Laura. I could never for the life of me figure out who she was which baffled me because he thought she was gorgeous. Surely I would've noticed a beautiful girl on our team. Well this year I finally realized who she is and let me tell you ... this girl is stunning. There's just something about her that I find completely irresistable. She's got big beautiful eyes and a smile that could melt an iceberg. Basically .. I'm in love with this girl. We've chatted before and i've caught her looking at me across a room or at the field sometimes but I always try and downplay signals like that from girls. Girls will throw that shit around all the time for some reason, with no thought to it meaning anything. I also heard that she's a hard nut to crack and a 'man hater' ... apparently she got screwed over royally by her ex a while back. Shitty deal.

SO

Laura rolls up to the table with my buddy, their coach, Cookie. I'm not even kidding you, just looking at this girl makes my jaw drop. And she's not even like your typical dolled up girl. She's just classically beautiful. So to my delight when I look back to her I find her looking at me. We catch eyes and I hold her gaze for a second and give her the begginings of a smile and then look away and smile big. Luckily, i've been flirting as long as I can remember and I'm proud to report that I'm pretty fucking good at it. Just enough to let her know it's not just a casual look, but not too much so she's still a little intrigued. So then I realize that Dani is still sitting next to me with her bare legs (and great legs let me tell you) touching mine. This is when I started to realize that I might be in a spot of trouble. Now, all this time I'm drinking too so my memory is a bit splotchy. I decided to go for a walk with the bathroom as my chosen excuse so as to let the situration cool for a min. I come back and all the seats are taken. So I invade a nearby table that has two girls sitting at it on their own. I grab a chair and strike up a conversation and before you know it they're laughing and we're looking like we're having a great time. Sweet. Much to my dismay, neither Dani or Laura gave any lick of notice, haha. So I moved back to that table when a seat opened. My buddy Mercer was a good guy and switched seats with me so I was by Dani. Laura was no where to be seen at this point but soon I saw her and some other girls with their coats walking away and leaving. I felt a momentary paing of regret and then I realized I'm sitting next to a gorgeous blonde, woot! So Dani and I chatted for a bit, drank some more and I entertained her and the rest of the table. I was feeling awesome and everyone was having a blast. I headed to the bathroom once more and on my way back who do I see but Laura! She's not gone at all and heading for our table. I persue and wouldn't you know it she sits on my right side. So now there I am, its about 2am, Dani on my left and Laura on my right. Wow. So after some more eye-flirting with Laura I start to chat with her and we have some laughs and fun conversation. We're all pretty boozed and then Cookie comes over with another few beers and hands me one. I announce that I can't drink it and try to offer it to the girls but no one is having it. Eventually Laura laughs and says she'll split it with me drink for drink. Ok! So that's fine and we joke around a bit because she takes two to my one and then Dani grabs it and joins in on the game! So lets recap.

I'm out at a pakced bar at probably the best talbe going.
The one girl I've been working on for a few weeks is on my left looking fantastic, her leg behind my leg and sharing a beer with me.
The one girl I would give pretty much anything for a chance with is sitting to my right sharing the same beer with me and chatting away.
My buddie, their coach, is losing his mind laughing at me and the situation because he knows exactly what I'm thinking, which was:
"What in the fuck am I supposed to do now?!"

So the night capped off and we decided to bail. Dani, Laura and I decide to go to MacDonals for some grub. We meet up with their other friend who has a car and offers to drive us home. I decide this is a prime opportunity for me to make a clean break and announce that I'm going to hike it because I'm only two blocks from home. I figure one of them might decide to walk with me or I'll just go it alone and call it a night. And let me clarify, the most I was looking for was some kissing tonight. I was determined to not sleep with someone, I'm tired of stupid drunken sex. Anyway they wouldn't have any of it and put me in the car, which was this tiny two door and I'm a big monster of a man. So there I am in the back, Laura is beside me and Dani is on her lap. I'm seriously losing my shit at this point. In my head I'm just pissing myself laughing at the hilarity of this situation. The driver asks if me and Dani want to get dropped off at Dani's place. Shit! Before I had time to mumble an answer something else catches the girls attention and I'm saved. Whew. We get to Dani's place and she hops out and runs inside and we're off. Laura stays in the middle and leans back against my arm. It's not an intentional thing, she was just tired I think. But I was definately aware of the contact and drunkenly read into it. Anyway, we arrive at my house next and so I hop out and jet inside. As I get in I think of how I should've got out and said something clever like "Thanks for the ride, good night girls!" and then followed it up with a look at Laura and a "Goodnight Laura" just for her. Oh well, bam, that's the end of the night.

I talked to Dani today but Laura was never online when I was. Her msn name changed to "staying out all night probably wasn't in my best interest, although it seemed like it at the time" which of course I decided to read too much into, haha.

So now I don't know what to do. I've definately earned Dani's trust enough to ask her out sometime and I feel like I could go in for a kiss and she'd definately meet me there. BUT, now I've got Laura on my brain. I don't want to screw anything up with Dani because she's a super cool chick, we have a blast. But it's Laura! If I had a chance with her I'd be an idiot not to try it. Then again I don't even know if she's into me at all so I've recruited a girlfriend of mine who knows her to do some recon for me and find out. She's good like that and I think she'll do well at finding out what I need to know. Our rugby banquet is in two weeks, I feel like that is the deadline for me to decide what to do as they will both be there. This whole situation with Dani is very public too, everyone knows about it so I can't just abandon it for another girl, her teamate no less. Not that I would want to, but .. I don't know, I feel like if I screw her over somehow it would be bad. But I'm not screwing her over because there's nothing there yet. It's not like I've done anything that ties me to her. Ahhhh, I don't know. Maybe I should just stick with Dani, she is a fantastic girl. Dillemas.

Overall I had a fucking brilliant weekend. Tons of laughs and some stories to tell, all I ask for from a weekend. And to be honnest, I've had much worse decisions to have to make. I won't lie, I'm excited at the prospect of a girl to potentially date. I'm not getting ahead of myself here because who knows what will happen .. and I'm not saying I want a girlfriend, just that it would be fun to flirt and hang out with a girl who I enjoy spending time with. It's been too too long since that has happened to me.


Lots of love,
-D